


When I'm Gone

by Say_Anything



Series: The Failsafe [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sad Ending, au where glimmer takes the failsafe, i hope the ending is hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26817427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Say_Anything/pseuds/Say_Anything
Summary: Complications from taking the Failsafe eight years ago cut Glimmer's life short. While mourning the loss of her wife, and Bright Moon's Queen, Adora finds a letter with some final poignant words...
Relationships: Adora/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Series: The Failsafe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026825
Comments: 21
Kudos: 36





	When I'm Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [They Spill, Unfound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382273) by [becca_the_quiet_one](https://archiveofourown.org/users/becca_the_quiet_one/pseuds/becca_the_quiet_one). 



> ._. I'm going through it rn, channeled my sad into some major angst  
> (the concept of Glimmer taking the failsafe inspired by becca_the_quiet_one)
> 
> https://youtu.be/Sr5UNKmb6Wo <\--highly suggested reading accompaniment

Adora walked back to their room alone. 

The funeral had just ended, her wife’s casket laid in the ground only minutes ago. And somehow, Adora had watched it all without breaking. She was numb, her body moving on its own, feet taking her back to the place she felt safest,

Or at least the safest place she could imagine that wasn’t the circle of Glimmer’s arms.

Bow had tried to follow her, Adora knew he and Micah were hurting as much as her. But she’d turned him away, wanting to be alone. It wouldn’t help. She knew she shouldn’t isolate herself. But words seemed impossible to summon.

They’d all watched Glimmer fade away slowly. None of them ever suspected the Failsafe would do damage long after it was removed from Glimmer’s body. Maybe Glimmer had. Maybe she’d felt it from the start; but she hadn’t told them until it began to physically manifest as weakness, pain, heart palpitations, dizziness.

The symptoms went on and on. The healers had tried their best. Adora had even attempted She-Ra’s healing magic. It managed the pain, but in the end it didn’t save Glimmer’s life.  _ She _ hadn’t saved Glimmer’s life.

Adora made it to their room without interruption, pushing open the door and stepping inside. It was dark and empty, just the way she’d left it this morning. Glimmer’s crown still sat on the bureau, never to be worn again by an heir of Bright Moon. Adora looked around the room, her eyes falling on the carpet where Glimmer had collapsed a few days prior, taking her final breaths in Adora’s arms as she begged for her to stay. To not leave her behind. To not go where she couldn’t follow.

With slow steps, Adora made it to the bed. She sat gingerly on the edge of the mattress; her blank stare trained on the toes of her boots. They still had a bit of mud caked on the soles. It had rained during the funeral. Appropriate, Adora thought, as if the world itself was crying for the Queen.

Adora wondered if she should be grateful. She’d been blessed to know Glimmer for eight long years. For one, they fought in a war together—learning, fighting, teaching one another. Those days seemed so far away now. For two more they’d been lovers—revealing long hidden feelings for one another after saving the world together. For two years Adora had been happy, learning to love another and love herself. Learning to understand she was worth more than what she could give to others. Glimmer had never loved her less for her faults, for who she was at her very core.

For five years after that, she’d been blessed enough to call herself the Queen’s wife. The ceremony was something Adora would never forget. The day she’d simultaneously become Queen Consort of Bright Moon, and partner of the brightest star she’d ever seen. Marrying Glimmer felt like a dream. But somehow more real than the terrifying and empty world she found herself in now. 

It felt every memory she’d shared with Glimmer she’d never forget. Or at least, she hoped that was the case. Someday she knew, Glimmer’s face and voice might not be so clear. The memories would be distant and foggy. Adora felt her heart constrict in her chest. Even harder than the reality of losing Glimmer was the idea that she might someday forget her entirely.

Leaning back, Adora glanced over at Glimmer’s side of the bed, empty and cold for the rest of time. And that was when she saw a small, folded piece of paper on the bedside table. Curious, Adora reached for it with a trembling hand. On the front, she saw her name in Glimmer’s familiar looping handwriting. Almost terrified of what she’d find inside, Adora opened the letter with as much care as if she were handling a child.

_ ‘My dearest Adora,’ _

Finally, the tears came. As Adora read the words, she could hear them in Glimmer’s voice, she saw her smile and the love in the sparkling lavender eyes she’d never see again. Adora almost closed the letter, as tears slipped rapidly down her cheeks, blurring the words. She wasn’t sure how much she could take. The reality of Glimmer’s absence hit her like a boulder, the words a crushing reminder of her permanent loss. Bracing herself, quivering with barely contained sobs, Adora forced herself to continue.

_ ‘As I write this, I’m not sure how much time I have left. I know I won’t be here as long as I want to be. We promised each other forever, and I’m breaking that promise soon. For that, I’m sorry, my love. I’m writing this letter to remind you of eternal truths that I’m afraid you might not trust. I know that when you read this, it will all be fresh, the pain, the guilt. You’ll take it all on yourself. You’ll try to handle it alone.I know you Adora. But I want you to remember your strength. You are the strongest person I’ve ever known. Your strength inspired so many people. My mother included. Bow. The entire Rebellion. Me. You are brave and I know that while you might feel hopeless now, you will continue on. Your friends, our friends, will still be there for you. Please don’t shut them out. Don’t lose your spirit. I want you to live. I want you to love. I want you to have a full and happy life. It’s what you deserve. Please believe that.’ _

Adora stopped reading, squeezing her eyes shut as the gasps she took for air became overwhelming. It was too much. Wishing they had more time. Wanting to hear the words that comforted her so coming from her wife’s lips. Only a few nights ago, Adora lay beside her, head resting on her chest to hear the weak fluttering of her heart. To remind herself that Glimmer was alive for the time being, that she might recover. To think that she would never hear the sound that so soothed her again….

Inhaling shakily, Adora returned to the letter.

_ ‘We talked about a family. I know you wanted one so much. After not knowing your own and being raised in a place where it was a competition to simply grow up… I wish I could have given it to you, have shared one with you. But I couldn’t bring myself to make it harder for you and any child to leave you both behind. Or maybe that was selfish of me. Maybe it would have been kinder to leave you with another person...A piece of me. Of us. I know it’s too late for regrets now. So I won’t entertain the ifs and maybes anymore.’ _

They had talked about it often. A family of their own. Adora knew Glimmer wanted it too. But she also knew the fear. Still, Adora wondered if it might be right, somehow, if she had a piece of Glimmer. A living breathing reminder of the woman she had loved so deeply, for so many years.

_ ‘I hope that someday you will have a family. That you will find another person who can take care of your heart like you deserve. Who will be able to give you all you want in this life. More than anything I don’t want you to be afraid of letting yourself live a life without me. I know it must seem scary right now....Maybe somewhat impossible. But you deserve all the joy in the world, love. I hope you can believe that one day, if not now.’ _

Adora crumpled the edges of the letter in her hands, shaking and still sobbing so fiercely her throat and face ached. It didn’t seem possible. A life without Glimmer? Another love? Another family? She couldn’t. She’d loved Glimmer with all her heart for years. They’d promised each other forever. They’d promised...

_ ‘I wish I could write this letter forever. And remind you of every moment of our lives together. But I don’t have the time, or maybe I just don't have the words. It was my honor to love you, and be loved by you. You are my greatest love. You made my everyday brighter. You made me a stronger person, a better leader, a more compassionate friend. I don’t know if I can ever explain how much you changed my life. But you did. And I can only try to express how grateful I am that I met you all those years ago. _

_ One thing I want you to hear, Adora. Because I know it will crush you otherwise. I know you won’t believe anyone else, not even yourself. _

_ This is not your fault. Read it again, love. As often as you need to. This is not your fault. My choosing to take the Failsafe all those years ago, to atone for my mistakes, to save you.. I don’t regret it, even if it cut our life together short in the end. I don’t want you to blame yourself for my choice. I know you will. But please remember that *I* don’t blame you. And I hope you don’t either. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I was selfish. Imagining a world without you in it… I couldn’t. So I did everything in my power to make sure it didn’t exist. But I know in doing so, I’ve doomed you to a similar grief. But you’re stronger than me Adora. You’re resilient and brave. You’ve already been through so much, and you’ve persevered. I know you’ll find healing through this too, love. _

_ Because you never give up.’ _

Adora choked, once more hunching over the letter, not at all surprised that Glimmer has suspected her guilt—but guilty, nonetheless. She hadn’t been able to help at all, in the end. She couldn’t save Glimmer. And that fact alone, hurt more than anything. Rubbing her eyes furiously, Adora looked back at the letter. There was only a few more paragraphs. She almost put it down, loathe to read the final words from her wife. Despite her efforts, her eyes roamed the words anyway.

_ ‘I’m not sure what else to say… Goodbye isn’t how I want to end this letter. It’s not the last thing I want you to hear. _

_ I don’t know how to express in words how much I love you. How much I have always loved you. I hope in my life and our life together, I made it clear enough. I’ll miss you, Adora. Wherever it is I end up after this. I know I will think of you and miss you as much as I know you will me. I’ll try to say it again, and wish with all I have that I could say it every day. _

_ I love you. _

_ You are my heart. _

_ Be strong, Adora. Be brave. And someday, I know we will meet each other again. Whether in some unknown afterlife, or maybe another universe. Another lifetime. I have no doubt, wherever we end up, my soul will be drawn to yours. _

_ So I ask you one more time to live and love and strive to make the rest of your life one worth remembering even without me beside you, although I wish I could be.  _

_ Promise me you will try. _

_ Yours always and forever, _

_ Glimmer _

Slowly, Adora closed the letter, somehow feeling more broken and simultaneously lighter than she had in days. Lifting the paper, Adora held it to her chest, closing her eyes and praying to whoever might be listening that somehow Glimmer could hear her across the universe:

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> ;-; idk she wakes up and it was all a nightmare or something  
> the end


End file.
